Life Coach: the ABC's of LaTech's offense

The Life Coach believes that there are no stupid questions, just stupid Vandal fans who ask questions. His purpose is to shepherd Bronco Nation to the calm waters of illumination, guiding them through their perfunctory problems with grace, flair, and competent advice. Got a question for the Life Coach? Email him at OneBroncoNationUnderGod@gmail.com.

Life Coach,
I'm curious. If the Broncos are running the "Q" offense, then what offense is Louisiana Tech running?
Intrigued in Idaho City

Good question, friend. Louisiana Tech's offense is the Chinese character for slothfulness, which looks kind of like a panda captaining a sailboat. Occasionally, they'll switch to running the “lowercase u” offense: an obvious homage to the fact that their offense always comes behind BSU’s.

Dear Life Coach,
Do you have Oregon tickets?
Desperate in Driggs

I am one of the lucky few to have some Oregon tickets, and I didn’t have to be a prominent BSU booster or win a ticket in the lottery, either. How did I do it? Let me tell you.

I guess Phil Knight and Nike thought it would be a good idea for Oregon to wear a different jersey design for each quarter during the game, so they had a contest for fans to send in their design ideas with the winner getting tickets to the game. Lo and behold, my design won! So I will be there on the 50 yard line to see the Ducks in their tapestry green with ruffles and lace. What a third quarter that will be!

If you still need tickets, I hear they might be looking for an overtime jersey design.

Mr. Life Coach,
If KTIK stands for “the Ticket,” then what does KIDO stand for?
Sincerely, Bob Behler

If KTIK is the “the Ticket,” then KIDO should have the nickname of “the Program.” If KTIK can get you in the door with “the Ticket”, then KIDO would be the “the Program” that you get at the door that gives you all of the information for what is going on there. KIDO is newsy like that.

Although, if this nickname sticks, they will probably have to change their call letters to KPRG, which doesn't quite roll of the tongue as easily.