Public Enemy #1: Robb Akey's case

OBNUG is in the process of deciding who should be this website's most hated villain. We'll be presenting the cases for all of the candidates over the next few weeks. Enjoy.

Robb Akey

Idaho head coach Robb Akey has his hands full turning around a moribund program that might be better off in I-AA. Nevertheless, Akey perseveres with his blind faith, his optimistic spirit, and most importantly, his mustache.

There are plenty of things to dislike about the man: his attitude, his smugness, the fact that his first name has more "b"'s than the Vandals have wins. But when it comes right down to it, Akey is reviled by OBNUG because of that larger-than-life caterpillar taking residence under his nose.

Like a rotund Samwise Gamgee accompanying Akey on his epic quest, the mustache is a willing partner to the coaching travails of Idaho's head man. Through wins and losses (but mostly losses), it rests on his cheeky grin, experiencing the highs and lows like a hairy best friend. And it drives us mad.

It bothers us. It taunts us. And it drives our curiosity. Just what is the deal with that nose beard? We would like some answers.

• What is hiding in that mustache?
  Akey's face rug could very well be used as a safe-deposit box of goodies, like a backpack for the nose. We imagine that Akey keeps the following things hidden in the follicle forest: gameplans, leftover bits of egg salad sandwiches, Nathan Enderle, and a wall calendar of the Palouse.
  
• Does the mustache have special powers?
  To keep such an obvious hygiene malfeasance around, Akey must be aware of some hidden powers to his mustache. Yet these powers obviously have no practical use in the real world, otherwise the Vandals would be a much better team and Akey would have a much better job. We think the mustache's special power is crosswords.
  
• What would happen if the mustache was gone?
  We think that Akey's lip hat is actually holding his face together.
  
• Does the mustache have a free will?
  This question delves into an area that we are not quite prepared to know about. We would prefer to stay with surface issues, like what is the mustache’s name and when is too much Just for Men too much.

Our obligation to detest Akey can be traced back to our obligation to detest all things Vandals.

Our obligation to nominate Akey for OBNUG Public Enemy #1 status? Purely the mustache.

Idaho's offense well ahead of its defense

The Vandals had their first scrimmage of the spring last weekend, and in a surprising turn of events, the offense showed up!

The Idaho offense had its way during Saturday's football scrimmage, racking up eight touchdowns and one field goal.

The news was encouraging for Idaho, until they realized that they could very easily give up 60 points to Utah State this season.

Idaho colleges... [Idaho Statesman]

Boise State scrimmage reaction

Friday's scrimmage was a fascinating departure from last year's Bronco football. With a dominating performance from the defense, Boise State gave fans an enticing taste of what may come this fall from the team's most maligned unit. Sure, we like our touchdowns and our Kellen Moore, but we also enjoy knowing that maybe, just maybe, Colin Kaepernick won't run roughshod over us again.

Final stats from Friday's scrimmage:

SCORING: Matt Kaiserman, 5-yard TD run (no kick attempted)
RUSHING: Ian Johnson 3 carries for 18 yards, D.J. Harper 3-16, Matt Kaiserman 5-15, Jeremy
Avery 3-10, Doug Martin 5-10, Jarvis Hodge 2-2
PASSING: Bush Hamdan 7-of-12 for 113 yards, Nick Lomax 6-8-52, Mike Coughlin 4-9-51, Kellen Moore 5-12-52
RECEIVING: Julian Hawkins 4 catches for 50 yards, Toshi Franklin 3-63, Austin Pettis 2-46, Doug Martin 2-26, Tanyon Bissell 2-13, Ricky Cookman 2-11, Titus Young 2-8, Tommy Gallarda 1-23, Kyle Efaw 1-11, Jeremy Avery 1-7, D.J. Harper 1-5, Mitch Burroughs 1-5

Scrimmage stories:

Statesman scrimmage recap [Idaho Statesman]
IPT scrimmage recap [Idaho Press-Tribune]
DBs making a difference [Idaho Statesman]
Hamdan leading QB race? Really? [Idaho Press-Tribune]
Photos from the scrimmage [Statue Left]
Back to square one with QBs [Fight, Fight, BSU]

Bold predictions for the week ahead

The week of the Blue & Orange game is upon us, and from the looks of Friday's scrimmage, there will be plenty of room for improvement for the offense. We expect to see big plays, long runs, and center-quarterback exchanges that don't result in turnovers. We're really not asking that much.

Here is what else we see happening this week.

• Former BSU CB Chris Carr, now officially a Tennessee Titan, will take another step toward replacing Adam "Pac-Man" Jones when Carr comes up with his own video-game-themed nickname: Chris "Qbert" Carr.
• After the success of the Beat Coach Pete 5k race last weekend, college coaches across the country will set up their own races to benefit scholarship programs. Mark Mangino and Charlie Weis will replace running with chalupas.
• Paul J. Schneider will find a place where his unique voice truly belongs: play-by-play at the gates of heaven.